Mommy Chemistry a.k.a. She’s Just Not That Into You

When you are a new mom and finally work up enough energy (and sometimes courage, depending on how much of a handful your little one is) to take your baby to events and classes in the community, you hope to meet other moms to expand your network of support.

You may quickly realize, though, that apart from being a mommy, you might not have much in common with some of the women you meet through your children’s activities. But the overpowering need to get out of the house and interact with other adults trumps the lack of mutual interests.

I met a woman like this (let’s call her Jane) when I took The Wee Man to Parent and Tot swimming. She had a son just a few months younger than The Wee Man and was also on maternity leave. We seemed to hit it off during swimming and even went out for coffee after the lesson. I really wanted to expand my “mommy network” so decided to invite her and her son over for a play date one afternoon last fall.

It was immediately apparent that taking our “friendship” outside of the swimming pool was probably not a very good idea. Conversation never got off the ground. I hate to admit that I kept stealing glances at my watch and wondering how much longer I could force small talk. I was a little disappointed that we didn’t seem to really click because she was nice enough, but I also knew that you just happen to win some and lose some when meeting other mommies.

I was sure that she felt the awkwardness too and I assumed that I wouldn’t be hearing from her again. The timing was good to let this die a natural death because swimming was over for the season and we wouldn’t be seeing each other twice a week at the pool.

So I was a bit surprised to get an email from her back in March telling me she was re-enrolling in Parent and Tot swimming in April and she was checking to see if I had done the same. Then, she wanted to know if The Wee Man and I would like to come over for a play date.

I was torn. I didn’t want to spend another afternoon trying to make conversation, yet I didn’t want to be a jerk by ignoring her invitation. Had it come to that? Would I be forced to hang out with someone I probably wouldn’t become friends with just because I couldn’t say “no thanks”? What is the protocol when it comes to this type of thing anyway?

I decided to reply. I told her that I wasn’t going to be re-enrolling in swimming at that location this time round but, yes, I’d “love to” come over for a visit (what a wuss). And then the funniest thing happened – I never heard back from her. She dropped me like a bad habit. She must have thought that since she wouldn’t be running into me at swimming she didn’t need to keep up the forced friendship.

I’m rather impressed, actually, that she did what I couldn’t do and had the backbone to end it. If she didn’t, we’d probably continue to torture ourselves with uncomfortable play dates and get-togethers. So thanks Jane, wherever you are.

S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y Night (With Apologies to The Bay City Rollers)

This past Saturday some girlfriends and I went out to celebrate the upcoming marriage of one of our friends. The occasion just on its own would have been fun enough but, for a mommy of a toddler, it meant so much more.

I have become quite domesticated and love spending weekend evenings at home with Hubby the Great and The Wee Man. It’s nice to open a bottle of wine and watch a movie after we’ve put the baby to bed. But, sometimes, a girl needs to get glammed up and go out without husband and child.

I get to put on clothes that haven’t been out of my closet in ages (think silk blouse and high heels) and I get really excited when I can take a purse that doesn’t need to be filled with diapers, wipes, and an emergency supply of Cheerios.

So I made my way downtown to a restaurant that I would never have taken a child to and got ready to enjoy this rare experience.

This particular establishment is unique in that it transforms from restaurant into a nightclub around 10:30 p.m. Just as well that we had no intention of sticking around after it morphed into Ottawa’s hot nightspot because we got a good look at the clubgoers pouring in just as we were finishing our meal and suddenly felt Oh. So. Old. (I suppose I am old when I’m referencing The Bay City Rollers in the post title, but still…)

We had a lot of fun but I think we left at just exactly the right time. No one needs to be reminded that 20 years old was a long, long time ago.